Category: Diaries of the (w)Hole: Sisters Academy
Day 4.
A stranger’s friend said “I can play other people’s games. But I really want to play my own game. But I don’t (yet) know what this game is”. Resonates. (…and I wonder what kind of contradiction two “”buts” mean).
I love complexity. The human level, the level of perfection. But even something more, I felt today.
We created a complex network of pain and nurturing in the Academy staff today. Well, not only today, but today the network showed itself so clearly.
Blindness is not a lower level of awareness but a precious tool for framing things to be able to work with what I have, instead of freezing in too much complexity.
I am looking forward to another day. Goodnight.
Day 3.
The first day of visiting gymnasium students. I am curious and nervous. Cause I want to get to know them better and explore: should I – and can I- take the path of “teaching”/facilitating for them in the future? There are two potential obstacles/potential powers: I don’t speak their mother tongue perfectly and they need to cooperate, have interest and respect to be able to benefit. And can they? Shaping my job path, you know…
When the Sister asked those pupils about the most inspiring thing they experienced within this hour in the Academy, one said: “When you don’t have anything particular to concentrate on , the level of concentration increases. You can concentrate on nothingness.” I loved it. Instantly. And left it without drilling more.
My last class was intentionally a secret lab space for the Mortal to explore what she wants from her future class on fear. It started with buzzing tension and the air of discomfort. It then turned into release, laughter, bond and good space of sharing. 3 people, 3 stories, 3 homeworks…
How can a fear be used for something good?
Fear can be connected (and is often proportional) to attraction and desire. Going for deepest desire is often a dance with fear. Force of aliveness, something important and at stake that can be strangling or transformed into power
Fear (when confronted) can be a source of deep happiness and freedom. I did it! This beyondness that makes us be more who we really are.
Fear (of losing/death) can make one appreciate what one has.
The Alien gave a concert without applause: his ritual of vulnerability.
Day 2.
I thought that the most important sharing of the day would be that I found a new clue about what I am really searching for: I want to create frames where each person fishes something precious out while we are connecting different curiosities/desires, like creating multi-personal ‘win win’ situations, connecting elements.
The other report is that we found a useless blender from a chefs mother that doesn’t blend, just moves things. I immediately associated with that art project of fish in a blender in a museum*. Our version would be called a fish-dizzifier, said the chef.
But as this diary might be consistent and kept going for 3 weeks, it feels relevant to write this now as the line of the day: I asked myself if my written sharings would be different if I only wrote for myself. The answer is yes. And at this point I don’t know what I want to do with this conclusion.
*sometimes or often, I bring those intertextual things up, but I am not interested in researching on exact names, contexts and numbers. But maybe some of you know what I mean with this fish.
Day 1. {and Day 0.}
First day of manifestation. Brain too tired to worry, so I was as happy and relaxed as exhausted. A girl came to my tableau today. I was a drained teacher after 2 hours of sleep, so I asked her what she wants to do. Not a class design I get high on (giving from my green light zone), but when I heard this, I knew it will be interesting: she wants to write about wind – as it’s her energy – and then somehow let go of it, as it doesn’t serve her anymore. How interesting – I thought – Wind on top of Water has been my new element, but very undiscovered, like loving something without really understanding it. I fell in love with “wind” men for the last year. More conscious process than before, as I have courage. There’s a strong attraction and a lot of challenging growth they trigger in me, as all they are is freshness, unpredictability, high energy and untamedness. More from a body than a head, I guided her through connecting to her passion which is different than this Wind element she is so familiar with. She found a new direction: something between Fire and Earth. And homework followed. For both of us. Cause again I discovered that asking for things, taking space and following strong attraction from a vulnerable space can be difficult. It is often much easier to give and be in control. Therefore it’s important to do it. And for me too…
Dorit Chrysler played in the evening, what a beautiful power!
But let’s start from the beginning, actually – if this process has any real beginning, in this case when first guests arrived…
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Day 0.
How often a test/backstage/a prototype is potentially more intense than what it is supposed to prepare us for! I was first witnessing and then adding perspectives to a ritual of rewriting a past scenario that never properly closed an important chapter between old lovers. Saying a proper goodbye that never really happened months ago. I cried. Because they were so courageous and present. Because it was a deep, long-term love connection with passion and awareness that I haven’t experienced with this new paradigm that vulnerability, not hiding, is a real treasure. And because I could really feel and empathize with both her and him. Katharsis. Transformation using strong, performative space.
And from amongst other interesting encounters, there was one exploring yellow light of intimacy, for both sides…and that’s what I am most interested in, I guess. In this way working for the Sisters Academy could be the best job I have ever had.