Nature (inside of me) and Tantra
Nature around me and suddenly thinking Tantra… Tantric way – isn’t it, in a wider sense, nurturing sustainable relationship to life? Everyday discipline of love, towards oneself, towards others, towards reality, the way it is, without trying to change it.
I just came back from 29 hours in the forest, landing at 10 a.m. in Hareskov by my regular wild shelter, discovering again that all is as it was, so I can stay, occupy it, manifesting my annual ritual of sleeping under the sky in a late spring in Denmark. Staying present, creative and powerful without shortcuts works best in the morning, relaxed, before eating or other pleasurous distractions.
So I set my breakfast-alarm in 20 min, which extended into 3 hours, as it felt as the rightest thing to do to feed my powers of ‘just be’, or just connect to sth truer. Thoughts are always there (they judge all the time, all seek pleasure, want to always choose the best or they get restless when not doing something “effective”) and I guess I need to accept this personality/ego creature will be my companion all my life. After getting a feedback that I attach myself too much to perceptions, stories, I decided at this point it is the most important focus: to accept the ego, but keep reminding myself that it’s not me + that all is dynamic, and all that matters is in here&now. Feels a bit resistant to say this, cause it sounds like a spiritual broken record, but for now, I have not been able to deny its sense or find equally truthful, yet easier way to make this life-journey precious in a long term.
So I walked for hours without plan, “wasting time” (ego) or rather creating “empty time”, practicing this love approach called “as long as it takes”, being also impatient or annoyed, being also present and grateful…and scared: “will it always be so hard?”.
When time becomes less accumulated, there’s space for noticing that in the blossoming spring young leaves are very soft and have all this psychedelic juicy light green color, as if most of the trees were the same species. I had a lot of time to discover that the lake where I camp has a lot of water snakes, which reminds me that in this dance with life we often have to accept that we don’t know (whether sth is dangerous or harmless for example). I also noticed that their graceful wavy movements are to the sides, and not up&down like mermaids do.
The more I dwelled in this no-purpose wandering, the more I felt comfortable confronting people I met on my way. More curious in interviewing, more courageous in prolonged eye-gazing with strangers, more radiant and self-confident doing what I want, without fearing to be perceived as weird. Sitting like an elf entangled in tree roots’ hugs by the common bike-lane, or just standing and staring long at LARPers like a stalker – all this felt more authentic when in this state of mind that remembers that we can be and do what we want and no personality or role is sticky, cause all of them are equally (un)true or equally important.
The night was cold and magical. This forest have been witnessing a lot of suffering, joy and transformations in me throughout years. I pay tribute, also to various others that shared those moments with me there.