blindfolded reflections after the Takeover in Simrishamn’16

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, ‘The I’ of Sisters Academy

Searching for something. A door, a clue. Feeling I am not challenging myself enough, not doing anything grand enough. Constantly waiting for “cracking it”

That stepping down from the „leader/inspirator/teacher“ role and letting myself experience what naturally unfolds in interactions with students without carrying the „giver“ mission – this I was not able to do most oft he time. But it was a pre-step to „getting it“ later, after my ‚100 faces’workshop and a following private session with a young woman from Berlin: vulnerability, awkwardness…and finding gold in learning from „less experienced“ (as the frame I created had suggested). She gave me such a gift by together breaking that frame. In the end she said I gave her a gift of empowering her to be a giver, not a „pupil“. It’s a crazy space that space. It’a edgy. It’s presence.

Paradoxically, one oft he strongest (or the most important) images I recalled today from the Takeover was that of students – after cooking so good and eagerly – dwelling over the table in evening hours with us. Seeking connection to something, ways of being?: the way of being themselves and being in love at the same time… We didn’t have a clue – I imagine – what complexities were happening in their teenage organisms. Thank you!

The egg: The Mechanic has given me the key…again.

Towards the end, in the kitchen, the Mechanic was communicating, with pauses, kindly as always and with patience, letting me put words on what I was reading from his language. He took an egg-shaped candle and started to hit it hard against the kitchen surface.

Nothing. For nothing.

Then he simply lighted the egg.

There was nothing to crack.

Not when you try to take something for what it is not.

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, ‘The I’ of Sisters Academy

I overslept and didn’t lead this morning gymnastics. My first class was with a female member of a collective poetic self and an asylum seeker. He was from Afganistan, didn’t speak English. She translated from Swedish. I felt deeply touched by both of them and by all we have had in the Academy, now in the middle of finalizing the last touch of experience. That refugee was gentle and beautiful. And he had a story for us, so far from my world: loosing parents at the age of 6; taking care of his younger brother; never felt Muslim in his heart and belief, but could not speak about that; his journey to Sweden took one year.

Thank you Sisters Academy. It was grand. You have my heart.

I unlocked an extra layer for someone in possession of a secret map.

A spontaneous autumn evening walk through the streets of Malmo. And unexpectedly the best party after. Sorry, the final party of tomorrow, it will be hard for you to compete…

We danced, 3 of us, organic flow, natural rhythm of sharing, the best of me fished out, thank you!

Morning closeness, you filled my love holes, less was more again, happy. Sleepless night, ‘air stone’ minutes to gymnastics, but before just a little moment of blanket over and eyes closed…

And yet another interesting perspective over a fantasy meal (Meadow and Intoxication, your everyday rituals of food&tease, you make imprints!). A ‘she’ researcher finds it important to bring an inner child in when playing with children. Not to enact a child’s game by taking a ‘playing parent’ role, but involving from one’s authentic playfulness. Then it’s real fun. The same with sexuality – I thought – bring an inner child in, not a role (or techniques).

My homework from a student {from a drawer of narcissistic gazes into one’s own photo}  There’s something one wants to hide when one looks into own reflection in the mirror. “You want to hide from yourself, but at the same time you feel strangely attracted to that and you want to get to know (this side of) her.” – she said, telling me to find what it is.

Since the Academy opened I have been longing for a day beyond schedules, where not a single time do  have to look at the clock. Now the day off came and of course I decided to go out instead. To experience what I had wanted, I would have to go from full restriction to half-restriction, not to full freedom. Interesting. There is autumn in the park now. No doubt about it. I can smell it without even looking.

Imagine that for the first time I participated in a class as a student. The Nurse it was. The power in her voice made me have to look at her. And I saw 2 birds in me: a strong, embracing, leading fire “eagle” bird, and a little birdie that wants to be led and surrender. Yes, bird is somehow part of my poetic self.

The Translator was back and made so many of the staff happy. A ghostly monday in the Academy and another transition spent between 2 significant beds. That’s where I also took Island to show her my “special moments” spot. And she took us crawling to the evening rain. Freshness. I wonder where my love wanders in the final part.