Today is Sunday. Aloneness turns out to be pregnant with past-gathered stories, myths and images that ask me to bring them anew to the surface of today.

Warm mischevious sun and Spring lurking shyly from behind tree barks. Trees are not blossoming yet. Here She comes again, yet again for the first time.

“Everything happens for the first time. Just in a way that is eternal.” (Borges)

Eternity of Change.

“Never yet have I found the woman from whom I wanted children, excerpt for this woman whom I love: for I love you, O Eternity!” (Zarathustra)

Eros and Thanatos – are one and same thing, said Deleuze* about Freud’s two opposites.

Maybe therefore none of the opposites can win? The Two don’t even take the resolving fight. They need each other untill a conflict as a process becomes complete. As much time as it takes. Like towards a child. Or towards love. (Inner) conflict is painful… and conscious. And one day, suddenly, it’s some subconscious force – the Anima – or some other train of unexpected outside events, who brings a resolution to the conflict of “opposites”. There is a fairytale that pictures it: the conflict between two opponents (the Faithful and the Unfaithful) gets surprisingly resoved by a third character, Anima (the Princess)**.

Fairytales and poetry have special language that makes it possible to understand. Gain a deeper insight. Bear in mind: it’s also the language of “the Weird”. The weird and anima are often neglected. The Other.

(Inner) conflict is painful often. When one believes (s)he has to choose between shadow and light.

14 years ago I received a special (back then) book from a friend: ‘Owning your own shadow’ by Robert N. . Since then I’ve gotten to like and understand almonds much more. Mandorla.

When I was little I wanted to be good. But I couldn’t somehow 😉 I was convnced I wanted to marry Jesus, because he was good.

For years it felt there was some missing element in religion. Now in adult life I know what it is. Attraction. Mutual attraction between human and God. Maria Magdalena maybe? Or at least some kind of Anima of Jesus.***

* on Eros and Thanatos being one. Pleasure containing death drive in itself as a “curved line”, sustaining the libido drive, taking care of it’s repetition.

(Quote by Deleuze, taken from S. Zizek’s book “Living in the end times”)

** from a chapter ‘the Anima and the Heroes’ by Marie Louise von Franz

*** my own little Sunday blasphemy

**** original photo by Josh Blake (getty images)