Category: World vs. Life

 

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Gdynia i zakamarki

Moje miasto w 2026 będzie miało 100 lat. Jest młode, jest szczególne, pełne zakamarków znanych i nieznanych. Jestem w odwiedzinach w domu urodzenia, na Skwerze Kościuszki. Głównie dla siebie samej i duńskich przyjaciół i nieznajomych – wybieram trzy specjalne miejsca w Gdyni, które są ważne i fascynujące, dla mojej własnej historii, ale też historii Wybrzeża i całej Polski.


[ Min hjemby bliver i 2026 100 år gammel. Den er ung, den er speciel og fuld af skjulte skatte – kendte som ukendte. Jeg besøger mit fødested i Skwer Kościuszki. Her vælger jeg – hovedsagelig for mig selv samt mine danske venner – tre specielle steder i Gdynia, som er vigtige og fascinerende for ikke kun min egen, men også hele Polens historie. ]

 

Jest piątkowy wieczór. I znowu natykam się na artystów. Przypadkowo. Czy to Gdynia, Gdańsk, Pisa/Lucca czy Kopenhaga. Dziękuje ci, prawo przyciągania, czy kimkolwiek jesteś. Kolorujesz mi szarość zwątpienia w kolory.

Ja tylko chciałam przejść szybko przez Muzeum Miasta Gdyni, żeby znaleźć to ostatnie miejsce: ‘Moje miejsce #3’. Ale zamiast tego znalazłam pogłębioną historię Mojego Miejsca #1:  unikalny album przedstawiający społeczność polsko-duńską przy budowie Portu w Gdyni!


Det er fredag aften. Jeg løber ind i kunstnere. Tilfældigvis. Igen. Uanset om det er Gdynia, Gdańsk, Pisa / Lucca eller København. Tak, ‘law of attraction’! – eller hvem du er. Du farver min verden når den bliver grå af tvivlen og trætheden.

Jeg ville bare flyde hurtigt gennem Gdynia Museum for at finde det sidste: ‘Mit favorit Sted # 3’, men i stedet for, fandt jeg en fordybet historie om ‘Mit favorit Sted # 1’:  et unikt fotoalbum der præsenterer et polsk-dansk samfund under byggeriet af Gdynia Havn! ]

 

A potem szybko zamknęli wystawę i kazali zejść na dół na wernisaż: Dorota Nieznalska i jej ‘Przemoc i Pamięć’. Spontaniczny skarb. Ale ja nie chcę opowiadać o II wojnie światowej. Te historie żyją we mnie żywo odkąd byłam mała. Gdybym miała wspomnieć II wojnę światową, podzieliłabym się raczej artykułem Jenefer Coates ‘Bearing Witness‘ o Leopoldzie Łabędź, który znalazłam w ciekawym, międzynarodowym projekcie aktywistyczno-literackimLeopard

 

 

Ale wracając do Gdyni… [ Men tilbage til Gdynia… ]

Moje miejsce #1  Port Gdyński

Gdynia powstawała równolegle z portem w latach 20ych XX wieku. Gdynia została wybrana jako miejsce nowoczesnego, głównego portu na Wybrzeżu… i tak stała się też miastem w 1926. Nowy port był alternatywą dla Portu w Gdańsku, który po zakończeniu I wojny Światowej stał się ‘wolnym miastem’ i należał do Legii Narodów. Więc port Gdyński stał się portem całkowicie polskim.

Dopiero teraz dowiedziałam się, że budowa była we współpracy z Duńczykami.


Mit favorite Sted #1  Gdynia Havn

Gdynia blev oprettet sideløbende med havnen i 1920erne. Selv om den blot var en lille fiskerlandsby, blev den valgt som fundament for en moderne, og Polens eneste, havneby på Østersøkysten … og sådan blev Gdynia til en by i 1926. Den nye havn var et alternativ til havnen i Gdansk, som efter afslutningen af første verdenskrig blev en »fristad« og tilhørte Folkeforbundet. Gdynia Havn kunne til gengæld kalde sig for en fuldstændig polsk havn.

Først nu opdagede jeg, at havnekonstruktionen blev til i samarbejde med danskerne. ]

 

 

Jozef Walaskowski i Magdalena Walaskowska

Józef i Magdalena Wałaskowscy zaczęła w 1925 pracować dla Duńskiej firmy Højgaard & Schultz, zatrudnionej przez polski rząd do budowy Portu w Gdyni.  [ Józef og Magdalena Wałaskowscy begyndte i 1925 at arbejde for det danske firma Højgaard & Schultz, ansat af den polske regering til at bygge Gdynia Havn ]

 

 

 

gdynia port fotografie Walaskowski Dania

Aparat Józefa Wałasowskiego i szczególny album – pasja fotografowania procesu budowy portu w Gdyni i codziennego życia społeczności polsko-duńskiej w okresie międzywojennym. (Muzeum Miasta Gdyni) [ Józef Wałasowskis kamera og et specielt fotoalbum – han var passioneret omkring at fotografere de lokale menneskers hverdag i perioden, hvor Gdynia Havn var beboet og blev bygget af et lille polsk-dansk “samfund” i mellemkrigstiden. (Gdynia Museum) ]

 

Polska-Dania Gdynia port swieta bozego narodzenia

Polsko-duńska celebracja Świąt Bożego Narodzenia w Gdyni, lata 20ste. [ Polsk-dansk fejring af jul i Gdynia, 20rne ]

to miejsce jest mi drogie, bo …

moje dwie miłości pływają/żeglują … a teraz też sama mam własną łódź. Poza tym porty są oknami na świat…

Moje miejsce #2  Muzeum Emigracji

Jest imponujące, leży w sercu Dworca Morkiego, skąd przez dziesiątki lat odpływały polskie transatlantyki. Jest podróżą w czasie, która łączy stare archiwa z inspirującymi wizualizacjami, pokazując historię polskiej emigracji na przełomie setek lat… i różne jej formy. Ludzie wyjeżdżali w poszukiwaniu pożywienia lub wolności, inni byli wygnani z kraju albo dobrowolnie wyemigrowali dla zawodowego spełnienia za granicami, jescze inni zamierzali zarobić i wrócić… albo nigdy nie wrócić.


Mit favorite Sted #2  Emigrations Museum

[ Museet er imponerende og ligger i hjertet af Gdynia Havn, hvorfra polske transatlantiske skibe sejlede i årtier. Det er en tidsrejse, der kombinerer gamle arkiver med inspirerende visualiseringer, og samlet danner et billede af den polske emigrations-historie – i dens forskellige afskygninger – gennem århundreder. Folk forlod Polen af jagt efter mad, overlevelse eller efter frihed, andre blev udvist fra landet eller af professionelle årsager frivilligt emigreret til udlandet, mens andres intention var at flytte, tjene penge og så returnere … eller måske aldrig komme tilbage. ]

 

Muzeum Emigracji; Gdynia
to miejsce jest mi drogie, bo …

sama jestem Emigrantką. I nie wyjechałam ani dla miłości ani dla pracy, ale dla znalezienia i wyrażenia siebie w nowym kontekście, który od pierwszego wejrzenia wydał się właściwy, potem stał się domem… (“home is where you can express yourself”)

 

 

Moje miejsce #3  z Kamiennej Góry na plażę

Kamienna Góra to naturalny punkt widokowy na Gdynię (52 m n.p.m.), najmniejsza i najdrożsża dzielnica Gdyni. Czarująca. Stamtąd zabrałabym cie na spacer prosto na plażę. To Zatoka Bałtycka. Od pełnego morza “chroni” ją Hel (półwysep) – tam też jest ciekawie! – jak często bywa z “rozdrożami” – i warto popłynąć tam rejsem.


Mit favorite Sted #3  fra Kamienna Góra til stranden

[ Kamienna Góra er et naturligt udsigtspunkt på Gdynia (52 m.o.h.), det mindste og dyreste kvarter i Gdynia. Charmerende. Derfra ville jeg tage dig med en tur ned til stranden. Ved den Baltiske Bugt. ‘Hel’ (halvøen) – den lange men snæverste del af landet – “beskytter” bugten fra det Baltiske Hav. Hel er en smuk lille naboby det kan kun nåes gennem havet og den – ligesom mange andre steder på “crossroads”,  har et speciel “vibe”. Det er det værd at tage færgen derover fra Gdynia. ]

Gdynia 1925

lato, Gdynia, lata 20-ste [ sommeren, Gdynia, 1920rne ]

Gdynia; port Gdynski; plaza

pocztówka do Dani [ postkort til Danmark ]

widok z Kamienej Gory; Gdynia

widok z Kamienej Góry [ et udsigt fra Kamienna Góra ]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to miejsce jest mi drogie, bo …

tu się wychowałam, nauczyłam pływać, a z Kamiennej Góry zjeżdżałam na sankach.

 

 

References and sources (of images and stuff)

http://www.polska1.pl

https://www.facebook.com/groups/planmiastagdynia/

http://www.muzeumgdynia.pl/

Wikipedia

Lesbos

 

It all was experienced this spring. I write about my very personal perspective on Lesbos island first now, during waning summer – as other things needed to be experienced, too. Very different things, like also very different angles of nature-culture-crisis-beauty formed a rich “dance” of my month-long stay in Greece…

 

What I went for, how I arrived

Oh, of course! I forget you need a bit of background facts (cause otherwise I’d jump straight to cores and nuances, well..):

5 first days on my own, Greek people and places have always won my heart, when I entered my hotel room I cried – so happy it felt. I think it was the old beautiful man from the reception – after I said who I am – he just said “I know” with his incredible low masculine voice (I soften immediately…)

 

After that I joined an organization dedicated to rescuing refugee boats from Aegean Sea once they manage to reach European waters.

And to giving medical care and translation in Moria Camp.

And to supporting refugee families living in Kara Tepe camp, waiting for ‘green light’ to be transferred elsewhere in Greece/wider Europe to try building often destroyed lives from scratch: we took care of washing service and children activities.

 

 

Who inspired me

My first inspiration and inner drive to go to Greece and help was my Danish friends that were there in 2015. After 3 years, when – after turbulences and the 180° shift in life direction – I had a window open for a longer travel during the winter, it suddenly came to me that now is the Time: I dropped my exotic plans and bought a ticket to Lesbos.

These Danish friends are since then continuing their artistic activism in form of Other Story – a project giving voices to real people that carry deep stories in transition.

 

 

I can say it has been the weirdest job I’ve ever had

My week could look like that (4+2+1=7 …and a bit of extra moments stolen from time):

4 night shifts of boat spotting on Katia Hill, always with a partner, staring at the empty, dark Aegean Sea in case a refugee boat arrives and needs help. Life stories. Wind. Weird aliveness. Doubt. Happiness. One time real anger – expressed -> transformative, leading to the deepest lucid dream I’ve ever had in my life.

2 shifts in Kara Tepe camp with refugee children activities.

1 day off. Overall richness. Incredible amount of contrasts.

 

Children in the Kara Tepe camp were sweet and rough, curious, playing eagerly, learning eagerly, fighting eagerly. We had a language barrier, which – like with love encounters across borders – flipped us to another level of presence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The second and last boat landing that I took part in. Early morning, me and another volunteer needed to come back, we forgot some equipment on the boat. I told her I needed to stay a bit longer on my own, not coming back to the house. Abandonded life jackets and various things one apparently grabs for a survivor’s night. 44 people came with this boat. It’s an ‘everyday life’ situation.  **) Aegean Boat Report provides official reports on refugee boats arriving on Greek islands, day after day

 

 

The organization I joined had leadership that I trusted, that inspired me, their ethics, overview and there-for-you attitude towards so many people they needed to interface with! Here during boat and rescue training.

I think leaders are so important, cause volunteers are almost by default a treasure. They come cause they have something important stirring on their heart. Leaders set the tone, inspire and influence by leading by example. That’s what I experienced through them and feel very grateful for. They provided fun, depth and hope. That’s a lot to receive from someone working so hard voluntarily!

 

…and off times, with funny, wonderful people

and old Greek restaurant I kept coming back to…here with a friend

here by my favourite cafe and concert spot ‘Bobiras’

 

 

 

 

“Idyllic” Lesbos – a new form of deep tourism

So much on one little island! All this beauty and weird contrasts all over street corners and nature makes Lesbos now, I think, an extremely rich and interesting place to be, work and live for a while or longer. International culture of very diverse people from all over the world

…on a mission to help,

                                    experience real life in transition,

                                                                                       “(re)humanize” stories:

                                                                                         stories heard from media,

                                                                                         stories incomplete,

                                                                              stories distorted by stereotypes or lack of knowledge

I met people, of course – that continue telling important stories about refugee situation after coming back to their homelands. I’d like to link especially to two of them I’ve met and shared a lot with while volunteering:
meet Tirej
read Anna
and Guardian on empathy (through close stories) vs apathy (in “abstraction”)

 

 

Oh, speechless now ! : I am still in the process of creating this blog (unpublished)…and I just heard the breath-taking news that these NGO leaders were arrested by Greek Police!

https://www.facebook.com/sean.binder.39?ref=br_rs

https://www.facebook.com/ioanna.sch/posts/10216893874969802

 https://www.facebook.com/hahmad1996/posts/10214125541505437

 

 

 

the whole PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE cycle

From scary past stories, to positive present experience to heartbreaking news of the future

(that is happening now)

I went to help 3 years after hearing…

 

… Lesbos stories from 2015 :

…that there’s boats with scared, life-risking refugees flooding to the shores of Lesbos from all possible sides, while there’s too few NGOs and almost the whole humanitarian burden lies in hands of independent volunteers

…that NGOs that are there often compete instead of collaborating with each other

…that refugees freeze, cause it’s winter and there’s bottomless need for warm clothes and especially shoes…never enough for all

 

Great generalisation, I knew it – glued together from random stories and stereotypes – therefore I needed to see with my own eyes. But I WAS prepared… to have a deeply transformative experience, a wake-up call, a sort of close confrontation with tough reality that is far from the world I got used to experiencing in everyday Denmark.

So I was scared to go. Yet ready to be skaken-awoken! The winter was piercing cold in Copenhagen when departuring.
But my experience on Lesbos 2018 was surprisingly positive. It gave hope more than it took away hope.

 

my Lesbos story from 2018 was :

…tourism deteriorated – as my taxi driver was so bitter about – but a new „humanitarian” tourism blossomed, creating extremely rich, unique on the island that I have not experience any other place

…there is so many different NGOs right now helping with boat rescue, education, collaborative arts, medical and psychological help

…thanks to collective international efforts, huge warehouses with clothes and all other stuff for distribution was so full that we didnt know what to do with all that

…I was so impressed by my leaders of an organization I volunteered for. Professional, generous, considerate with huge overview and thorough in providing both lifeguard- first help- and ethical approach-training even to volunteers that were staying for merely 3 weeks. Leaders also working voluntarily, staying over a year

…I was impressed and touched by the level of collaboration of different groups and institutions how they coexisted with respect towards each other even though they had different interests and roles to fulfill. And here I do not only mean different NGOs exchanging knowledge, support, organizing joint trainings. I saw – and it was especially visible during boat-landing – where NGOs, police and official medicals from Lesbos were taking action together

 

So I was very surprised hearing a couple of weeks ago that my NGO leaders were arrested! Suddenly humanitarian help became criminalized.
I don’t know what to do or say.
Besides that I just need to share this. And I know they are innocent. I was there.

 

… and how can I say this in the best way?: 

that the whole refugee crisis is so complex that it is unfair to point fingers at any party, actually, without deep (and dynamic!) investigation.

 

I mean it. I feel very strong about that.
I was impressed by the Greek police, I was imporessed by doctors that were coming when we called cause there were 2 deeply pregnat women in terrible condition with advanced hypothermia. They came to save lives even though they never signed up for that: their mission was service to people on Lebos, suddnely there is thousands more. And capacity of hospitals and other resources the same.

Yes, I was there – and many wonderful others – to help people in need, basic instinct, like I imagine doctors do, human-to-human emergency finds no discrimination!
But I do not have an answer how to handle streaming of people in need fleeing to Europe.

Everything has consequences. Everything. Cause elements are (inter)connected…

 

 

on pendulums, metamodernism, art and “opening” abandonded places

one…two…three…go!…back…

A two-hour sleep before my early departure to Massa in Italy gave me a nightmare: being pushed&pulled by a man, bodily, not getting really hurt, but tossed around to state of subtle, but constant unrest, alertness (of danger) that is never to stop – all that is  called ‘violence’ – I never knew before – until I felt it vividly in this subconscious world.

After landing in Pisa, I heard from a he-host that what I booked and paid for is actually a tent – and not a double-room bed. I felt lonely. I cancelled with despair. I lost some money. I dropped Massa …and bought a “blind destination” ticket to Lucca. It felt good…as if being finally freed from that nightmare that already started in my sleep before leaving pre-sunrise Copenhagen.

After some hours of couch-surfing search and going through charming Italian streets, I felt lonely and tired (or too old for such a lifestyle?) – as if I’ve exhausted my magic bubble – that I used to create by daring to trust the unknown (places, random encounters).

Can it be – I thought – that higher self-esteem combined with more craving for stability is actually a sabotage to experiencing life? Am I less able to open a portable door* than before when youth and confusion made me blindly play with fire?

*have you read “Kafka on the shore”? ‘Portable door’ has lived in me as a unique concept, but Murakami (via Nakata’s stone) inspired me to put words on the inexpressible…and find the Word

Now my heightened awareness of steps and motivations… and what I want

Now having all more figured out

Now…               less randomness. more direction. and “filtering”. less waste

Now afraid of dark sides of good development

 

Suddenly I stopped, walked left passing a gate of art – something art {art as the only saviour of ‘limbo’ situation, art the lessest evil}.

An exhibition-talk about architecture …and pendulums. Pendulums! – the recent greatest totem in my inspiration pool. Pendulum-Sisters Academy. Pendulum-Metamodernism*. Pendulum-meaning-to-be.

*have you heard and thought deeper about Metamodernism?
there they explain the metamodernism concept through the ‘pendulum’ metaphor. Metamodernism was “thaught” to me by my student in Sisters Academy. It was a relieving kind of revelation – after feeling quite misplaced wherever I thought deeper about postmodernism, it suddenly felt home, relevant. Metamodernism is me. Postmodernism is not (the more you get the pendulum image, he more you’ll also forgive this simplification 🙂 ). 

The use of the prefix meta here derives from Plato’s metaxis, describing an oscillation and simultaneity between and beyond diametrically opposed poles. (…)

As Vermeulen and van den Akker put it, metamodernism’s oscillation should not be thought of as a balance; “rather, it is a pendulum swinging between 2, 3, 5, 10, innumerable poles. Each time the metamodern enthusiasm swings toward fanaticism, gravity pulls it back toward irony; the moment its irony sways toward apathy, gravity pulls it back toward enthusiasm.”

 

Riccardo is a collector of ancient to modern pendulums. They used to be used for construction/architecture, medicine and art. And much more, but it requires a more nerdy insight or more innocent imagination. I am really looking forward to visiting his cellar in Pisa…

These engineers/artists took me for an authentic dinner in Lucca and then on the road towards Pisa…the crooked tower is adorable I would say only in the night- enchanting street music for almost non-audience, illuminated architecture, hoses spraying sun-tired grass. That was my second – after 8 years – and most unexpected couch-surfing experience.

 

Spaghetti Carbonara lunch at home…over which I hear from Guido about an old special building in Pisa once upon a time squatted by artists that broke in and decided to do art there. I decide to go for a mediation event.

Theatro Rossi Aperto …

I enter and there’s a theatre performance by elementary school – ‘they really wanted to do it!’ – I hear. So they are welcome to do it at Theatro Rossi Aperto. I am welcome. I don’t have to pay cause it already started a half an hour ago. I am so “taken” by those sincere funny, unproffessional brilliant kids

…and the context, cause the theatre space is amazing! Old, ghostly, aesthetics of abandonment and revival through rebellious souls with visions and hundreds of voluntary work.

They don’t have much, but they have abundance!

That is what – along with serendipity in Lucca, pendulums and passionate kids occupying this occupied theatre – bring me straight back on track – which I have feared I had lost.

I receive a kind reminder that:

magic is not lost with age and direction

portable door can open anytime

doing things purposelessly + with no guarantees is the art of being

 

That busy generous man gave me and one italian a private guided tour throug the upper levels and ceilings of Theatro Rossi. I learned the theatre was soooo old. It has been closed and abandonded for more than 40 years. It was activated 6 years ago by squatters that do this amazing job and are richly ignored by local authorities of Pisa and richly recognized by regional Toscanian authorities. And by those kids… And my me and many more.

This Lucca -> Pisa experience revived me big time and reminded of:

~ years of performance&activism work with  Club de la Faye and how extremely transformative our efforts have been for the few… or more

~ abandonded places with spirit, craving to be given love and attention… then the magic happens (or portable door can open)

how many invisible individual and collective burning initiatives and unmeasurable treasures there exist! 

~ there’s something extremely important with my alternative ways of being…and NOW is the time to continue and bear fruits instead of doubting…

 

The man from the “squatted” theatre said something I won’t forget: that the mission is not to have squatted Theatro Rossi. But to open Theatro Rossi (Aperto means ‘open’ in Italian).

Thank you. Tomorrow I’m leaving Pisa to go to Elba island with my mother. I can hear her calm breath falling asleep – live two meters away – that experience only happens 3 times a year. I embrace…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

interactive frames, labels and mirrors

I want to write, talk and create interactive experiments about love and sexuality. And I have also. For many years. And do you know what makes me now write, talk and experiment more?

Finding my form of expression. The right frame to relax and unfold in. Do you recognize? Now for example I need a good song in my ears…just to stay on the track of inspiration.

**  Gabriel Yared “Betty Blue”

 

Now retracking again from musical digressions.

So I’ve long been self-exploring and collecting others’ stories on love and sexuality. During casual talks, formal settings like conferences, workshops, or improvised – during spontaneous interviews and in art contexts.

I’ve gathered plenty of stories, most of them unshared – probably because there’s too little of the last kind of sharing: the improvised, unpolished. Just us and our friend “here and now”. I must admit that that is also what opens my body and mind the most – using time on acting and not on planning.

 

(w)Hole's tableaux

I want to write about interactive frames, labels and mirrors.

**  I painted those walls blue and peach before I saw “Betty Blue”. The resemblance hit me strongly.

 

There were three of us in the room. Amber, Dreamcatcher and (w)Hole – in my tableaux in Sisters Academy.

 

She calls herself ‘asexual’.

He is very sexual and in a relationship with an ‘asexual’ woman.

Me in between and not a big fan of labels, still using them a lot… and breaking them again.

 

Recently for the first time I’ve met a person that identifies herself as ‘asexual’. And I realized that she could help me understand my own sexuality.

But most of all I realized that labels are tricksters that nevertheless serve us well… to both connect and disconnect from people.

 

So we gathered.

We shared stories and experiences.

… without a clear form or purpose, only learning by doing. There unexpected treasures surface – I know that, I’ve tried that many times, I became really good at that (but how the hell will I explain such a way of working in a job application? – forgive another digression, but I really want to work with people that understand and treasure this!).

Learning and sharing in the art context – that’s my answer. That’s also what happened this time. And that’s the foundation for this blog post: sharing different embodied perspectives to understand ourselves better through others. The topic was love and sexuality. But as any deepening process, it often turns out that it’s also about something completely different.

 

I’m inviting you to more feel than analyze. This is not a structured journalism. Find your personal red thread in what makes you tick.

I find it in our words and voices, that’s why I quote a lot, more than I comment.

 

when one is “asexual”

Me: She opened a window to a completely new (and rich!) world for me, a world different from the one I had been taking for granted – and that my interests and self-development have been – to a great extent – based on. To be gradually becoming a confident and conscious sexual being – for health, for wholeness, as a powerful form of communication. I have met people (He) that naturally are more sexually open. I have not met many that do not have such interest (She) and whose life seems so rich anyway.

She: “It’s a bit strange to live in the world where people put so much importance to sexuality, it’s a bit mysterious to me.”

 

We talked about relationships. And relationship to oneself.

She: “I’ve only had one relationship. I don’t really want to be in a couple with someone, cause I perfectly know that most of the people are not asexual. If someone is very sexual I don’t want to force myself just to please a person, so it’s better for a person to have an opportunity to go with other people.”

Her friends were different. She connects with people on so many deep levels. She experiences their focuses and priorities without judgement. More with a pinch of wonder.

She: “It wasn’t that I was disgusted.  {Just} when I was thinking about sex, it was as if something that didn’t concern me, it was alien.” 

 

when one that is very sexual is in a romantic relationship with an asexual person…

When He told me, I was instantly amazed, cause it was somehow breaking my conviction: that it’s mainly open and sexual people that are attractive.    I was wondering how they handle such a curious constellation and what bonds them. Polyamory may sound like a cliche solution, but what really interests me is how people find creative solutions when romantic visions do not overlap with what is.

He: “It’s an open relationship, polyamorous. It’s not that easy, my partner is not asexual, but almost. She wants to be interested, she wants to be enjoying it, feeling like it, but she don’t.

It’s been like this for almost a year. She’s monogamous, but she realized this winter it might not work out if we continue like this, because I am very sexual. If I have one partner, this person cannot be asexual – it works but it’s not sustainable. So she came up with an idea that we should make an agreement that I can meet others. Even if she doesn’t like it that much, she’s willing to sacrifice that for having a relationship with me. It still works cause we have some rules around it. That is the solution we have now, but it’s not a very sustainable solution after all, cause it’s not what my partner wants. It’s a very strange situation, it’s hard.”

 

In confrontation with very close people that are very different, one can bring more complexities to generalized concepts… for self understanding.

She: “I get attracted physically to people, but not sexually. Physical and sexual attraction is different – I’m trying to explain to myself.”

 

being protective, afraid of crossing someone’s boundaries – whose responsibility is that?

She: “Even with friends that I am emotionally connected to, we are not close physically. They do it {touch} with everybody, but not with me.”

Me: I got an insight by talking to them that night. I realized that by protecting people, I potentially disempower them… or sabotage our connection.

[I share sounds, I recommend headphones on]

 

She: “I feel that very „touchy” people – I didn’t even tell that I am asexual – they sense there is a distance. Sometimes I regret, cause people should continue without trying to adjust themselves to me.”

Me: Having an idea about others and a desire to do good, I can be unconsciously freezing structures that are naturally dynamic. The structure of ‘asexuality’,  a temporary label that serves communication – always only in the ‘now’ – needs to be broken all the time, by constantly new ‘nows’. Like that evening: the way I perceived them when they entered my tableaux was so different when I left them goodnight.

 

He (to Her): “Actually, I’m treating my partner like people treat you.

She is feeling she’s not giving enough, when I’m close to her, cause she doesn’t want that {sexuality} and she feels guilt. And for her not to feel guilty, we agreed that I can see others.

She’s still resenting herself because of that.”

 

She: “I feel pressure by desire of other people.”

Me: I’ve experienced – on my own skin and through listening to others – that guilt and pressure can be a big turn-off.

I have also experienced that when placed in a frame, where being you as a sensual/sexual being is perceived as a beautiful and valuable thing, can be a great turn-on.

 

how I read You, how I perceive you read Me…

She: “When a man is very friendly, I am on my guard. I need to adjust.”

 

Me: I have been, too. Often and for many reasons, which I continuously multiply  – the more honest I dare (or am confronted) to be. And you? Why?

She: “It’s about education. We’re used to hear that guys are always ready, sexual, predators. And that girls have to be desirable. Those stereotypes didn’t affect me. But…{still}”

Me: I feel that these stereotypes affected me a lot. But I also realize that some – men, women, and they* – have experienced more than just a potential fed by stories one might heard somewhere out there.

She: “I had bad experiences with some guys, where I had to defend myself, physically, too. That’s why I’m nervous, when a man approaches me. I first sense his intentions. It’s a bit sad. If I was a guy, I’d feel insulted by those stereotypes.”

 

He: “I feel that curse.”

Me: I feel sad, too. And I believe many people on their life journey feel from time to time, well – cursed…, “thanks” to their various belongings.

I have been curious about today’s sexual education at schools. I have been talking to teenagers and some school teachers in Denmark and Sweden about how they feel about what and how is being “taught”, what is precious, what is missed. I’ve initiated one-to-one interviews based on exchange and created sharing circles about love and sexuality – both in the context of Sisters Academy and Human Library (Menneskebibliotekket). We talked about attraction, gender stereotypes, tantra and relationships. I wrote a bit about that in my post from last year: Between Boys and girls: random important inputs to sexual education

 

That evening in my room, Dreamcatcher mentioned education too, while we shared inspirations from the exploratory naked massage class at the last Sisters Academy.

He: “In Sweden we also work in {sexual} education by teaching consent. (…) It’s good cause it’ll let people be physical with others without this even leading to something sexual.”

 

removing „peak moments” from sexual interaction… and what happens then

Me: During classes, workshops, interviews, intimate talks throughout years, I heard and felt it repeatedly: many people – men and women – would intimately connect with others more, if they did not feel pressure/fear that an intimate gesture it will be (mis)read as an inevitable step to sexual intercourse. I have been curious to investigate it more in practice by creating safe frames for sensual interaction where that “end-goal” was not there. The focus was play and curiosity. I invited to such space also in Sisters Academy.

He: “Since the sexual massage class {facilitated by (w)Hole and Untamed}, things have turned around for me pretty much and I am really happy for it. I hadn’t understood it before, cause I always ended up in situations where everybody is having a silent agreement that sex is going to happen and there’s gonna be penetration and orgasms. It’s a total focus. So this was the first time I experienced it without any of these.

That was wonderful.”

 

labels, my darlings, if I don’t wanna kill you, what do I then do to you?

She: “It’s hard to be asexual  in the world that is so sexual. Its very strange, its a bit oppressive sometimes.”

Me: I felt that what She needs is to explore more and find her triggers. I also felt that both word ‘ asexual’ and ‘sexual’ might be a bit exaggerated. And He mentioned it, too.

He: “Half of sexuality that exists out in the society is made-up, cause it is build on ideas that are impossible. Well, it might be possible but it’d hurt more then it’d help. A lot of it is unrealistic, we put a lot of fantasy into that.”  

 

And She felt the workings of that label vividly in her interactions with people.

She: “I think that ‘asexual’ is a scary word, cause people take me as if I didn’t want to be touched.”

He (to She): “If there was (another) word, it would help you. A label ‘asexual’ is confusing you, even if you know exactly what you are experiencing.”

 

And then Me and He gave She a mission. To find a man in Sisters Academy she feels both attraction and trust for… and to ask him for a favour, for example like that: “I really want to explore my sensuality. Will you be interested in helping me getting to know myself better, in interaction, through touch, each responsible for own boundaries?

After weeks I was honoured to hear from her that she fulfilled her mission with help of a man she met in Sisters Academy. Feeling ‘asexual’ transformed again and now she would add much more depth to her sharing here.

 

what is your trigger, what do you really want?

Me: A very essential question came to me recently…and was directed at myself:

„If I am so interested in tantra and bdsm, why don’t I have a long-term partner/lover and a lot of sex as everyday practice? Is it because what I’m really interested in is something else?”

It seemed paradoxical to me. I needed an(other) “mirror”.

Meeting her, this „asexual” woman, unexpectedly opened a lot of new doors to a deeper understanding. The search continues, of course, but I saw clearer again why paradoxes have so often made me tick. Paradoxes are golden keys.

 

She: “I was interested in fetish and I was talking about that to people and people thought I was a fetishist, and for me it was so obvious that I wasn’t. It was for scientific reasons, what I was fascinated by was human psychology. Fetish is a way to understand people on a very deep level. (…)

The best part is when you think you’ve found the roots, then you realize there are still things you need to dig, it’s never ending. Introspection. (…)

Or maybe I’ll one day find that I have a fetish and then I’ll understand why I wasn’t sexual for so many years. I am young.”

 

Me: I’ve found something. The sexiest and most important question is:

what is attractive? what is your trigger? Now.

 

Thank you. I am continuously finding mine. And I create interactive frames that help us multiply levels of attraction through playfulness, honesty and pealing off layers.

In this, dear, let us drop these labels and play… as equal “opponents”. And as each other’s mirrors, sometimes, too.

 

 

I see you more now. I see myself thanks to you.

 

 

… to be continued.

 

 

 

 

* by ‘they’ – only in this sharing and simplified – I refer to people that identify themselves as “fluid” gender identity

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A no egg clue

blindfolded reflections after the Takeover in Simrishamn’16

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, 'The I' of Sisters Academy

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, ‘The I’ of Sisters Academy

Searching for something. A door, a clue. Feeling I am not challenging myself enough, not doing anything grand enough. Constantly waiting for “cracking it”

 

That stepping down from the „leader/inspirator/teacher“ role and letting myself experience what naturally unfolds in interactions with students without carrying the „giver“ mission – this I was not able to do most oft he time. But it was a pre-step to „getting it“ later, after my ‚100 faces’workshop and a following private session with a young woman from Berlin: vulnerability, awkwardness…and finding gold in learning from „less experienced“ (as the frame I created had suggested). She gave me such a gift by together breaking that frame. In the end she said I gave her a gift of empowering her to be a giver, not a „pupil“. It’s a crazy space that space. It’a edgy. It’s presence.

 

Paradoxically, one oft he strongest (or the most important) images I recalled today from the Takeover was that of students – after cooking so good and eagerly – dwelling over the table in evening hours with us. Seeking connection to something, ways of being?: the way of being themselves and being in love at the same time… We didn’t have a clue – I imagine – what complexities were happening in their teenage organisms. Thank you!

 

The egg: The Mechanic has given me the key…again.

Towards the end, in the kitchen, the Mechanic was communicating, with pauses, kindly as always and with patience, letting me put words on what I was reading from his language. He took an egg-shaped candle and started to hit it hard against the kitchen surface.

Nothing. For nothing.

Then he simply lighted the egg.

There was nothing to crack.

Not when you try to take something for what it is not.

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, 'The I' of Sisters Academy

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, ‘The I’ of Sisters Academy

Finding my child

“Finding my child”

is finding and giving birth to

a (non-human) child.

In solitude and in interactions with others, I am exploring alternative ways of being a mother if one doesn’t want kids. But this exploration is about all possible forms of children, the most curious is meaning and practice of going for such a journey, being a parent…

Finding my Child: Art

Photo: Lars Daniel Terkelsen                              (here the second ritual with my beloved girlfriend, 2 weeks before her first baby was born. I was “pregnant” with a non-human child.)

 

I asked different people what their child would be:

A journey with love, responsibility, something that needs long-term nurturing to grow and cannot just be dropped anytime things get hard.

 

 

Ida:

My child is my drawing.

It’s all about how good I’m at concentration. (…) That’s how it is with kids: they can always feel if you are not present and then they do crazy stuff. And if I am not present, the ink does crazy stuff.

Mads

My child is my kolonihave (…) I give it a lot of attention…and love.

Jacob

My child would be a song, a song that I wrote, a never-ending song. A song which will write the final lines by itself. A song that I teach notes to but then the song will know how to finish its own story.

Trine:

It’s an interesting question, cause It was not until I had real children and some death anxiety – in this combination – that made me have this new non-kiddy child. We are all part of this and it’s all interaction. Everyday interaction with another human beings and talking, being and feeling other people in many different forms and shapes.

Mads:

I am in a process of reconnecting with my inner child. I am a bit in a chaotic situation, it’s all still within me today, neglecting stuff… So in a process of refinding this child and integrating this with my heart.

Jesper:

When you gave me the question, I was thinking back 5 years ago when I got my son. One thing that happens when you become a parent is that it changes you on a personal level and it does that everyday cause your child is changing all the time. I feel that the closest to that would be my startup. I am an entrepreneur. I have company that builds electric high-performance motorcycles. You will never be ready. And It’s changing all the time, you have to adapt to a situation all the time and make that kid or company the best all the time. Startup and entrepreneurship, passion and companies.

Max

My child would be my travels, because one of the things child is doing the most is exploring

My ceramic pig (…)

Liz

4 dogs. (…) A bridge to meet people and to get out of my shell and be less shy.

Peter

My child would be a media or news magazine that would change the way people think

Camilla

My children is people that are in front of me, so right now it’s you

My notebook, which I take everywhere with me. It’s affected by me, but also by the world around me, so after today you’ll be part of that (child) too.

Lærke

For me it’s a really good question cause for a long time I’ve really wanted to have a kid, so I need to figure out what is it with a kid and if I should or not. This unconditional love that I want to share…how can I share it with somebody that is not in such a relationship. If I shouldn’t have a kid, (my child) would be to keep on connecting with people and try to make this connection stronger and stronger. And that is to be in a present moment for the rest of my life and that could be something that can’t stop. You just have to do it. You cannot just go away from it, because as soon as you get to understand that the connection can be stronger and deeper, it’s so empty when it’s not there.

Carmen

A concept that I feel like nourishing all my life and I feel highly responsible for would be inclusion. That’d sth that drives me forward, consciously or not, it’s in core of myself.

Kasper

Five years ago I wanted to find “the right one”. A couple of days ago my daughter came to this world. And she’s my child.

Nicolaj

I want to take liberty of having 2 children:

1.Dreams when I fly or when I awake, riding a motorbike, being so close to the wind.

2.Being thankful, but grasping also bad experiences. And it takes guts sometimes.

Why not trying to embrace all what’s coming? Take it in and say thanks, both to good and bad.

John

Being grateful for bad times. I have just finished my thesis. Writing this paper with a broken heart has been the hardest thing -I felt – I’ve ever done. But it helped me grow. So my child is the dark times…

Valerio

I have many children that can be born. It would be friends from all over the world that I have to give attention so they don’t feel abandoned.

Wikkels

Playfulnes

Søren

I have 5 children and as they grow your parental attention has to direct its ways to sth else

Parental awareness is an important social feeling and I was so lucky that I turned to Burning Man community, cause I now I have trillion children.

I embrace all of you and all of your lives and I love you and I brought a bit of Burning Man dust for al of you.

Marie

My child would be understanding the world. It’s important to me to understand, why it looks how it does, how history affects how people act, how their past reacts on how everybody acts. Understanding people, society, world structures.

Maja

There are different children on my mind. My special child is a friendship with Marie. It was 6/7 years ago when Marie chose me, I don’t know how, she held on to me and it took some years for me to understand the importance of this friendship. And for the last two years we had so many experiences together (…) A friendship you have to nourish, you have to take your time to it, you have to share flaws and joy. And we are very good at that, but It’s not sth coming easy, it is easy, but it’s not coming easy. You have to hold on to it. She’s gonna be in my life for the rest of my life. It was my choice. So I’m gonna hold on to her now.

Malene

My child would be my business. I work with Sales&Marketing. I consult companies, come up with ideas, they have to think differently than what they normally would do. I’ve seen a lot of different businesses, I’ve see a lot of negative ego, greediness. My dream is to change all this so we can be who we are and don’t have to be afraid of showing who we are and still do business. We can actually do better business by changing this.

Karianne

Do know this feeling when you’re meeting and looking at someone on the street and it feels uncomfortable so you look down. My child would be to challenge that moment , eye gaze and smile and laugh. For me hearing child’s uninhibited laughter is crazy, wild and full of happiness.

Rolandas

I realized that I am already committed to allow the child to grow, to help the child to grow, but somehow the interaction between me and the child is not going anywhere, the child doesn’t wanna get born. And I am thinking why don’t I want to give this birth? The child itself would be community. Well, everytime I come here is like giving birth a bit, but not really. I am dreaming about specific things within a community and only occasionally I experience them. You go back from Borderland or Burning Man and you’re missing that experience there, you wanna continue with that. For the last 1,5 year it felt like it will be born the way I imagine that and then it doesn’t, then I try again, and it doesn’t… And I guess that’s sth about being committed to the birth itself that I need to understand.

William

The child is sth you create with at least one person and you can’t predict how it looks like and it makes me think of adventures. That’s my child.

Andreas

I hope I will have many children. One thing I really like, that I’d really like to grow is already rolling: the summer camps I made with … youths. It’s one week that makes a difference (…) The world becomes this little bubble of love, joy and happiness and one of the best quality life experiences is happening there. (…)

Anne

My child is letting go…

Iwona

The child is already growing and I am finding it step by step. I don’t know where it’s leading me yet, but what is clear at this stage is: (My child is) letting go of what I want and keeping my heart open even though it hurts. I always wanted to have this romantic dream with a man and a kid, but it never really happened and all my life thinking that “something is wrong with me” and “why isn’t it happening?” And then I realized I want so much and it’s really about transforming Desire to get to Desire to give. My child in a way is choosing truth and honesty over creating and maintaining a romantic dream. I realized I’m preventing so many treasures from the world, hiding my treasures, cause I’m upholding some kind of image. When I met with my ex boyfriend after ten years, he was my biggest love and there was so much love blossoming after that long time, surprisingly, and then there was also suspicion that I am pregnant with him, (and I don’t wan to have kids). Then I was talking to this child on New Year: “I love you, but I don’t want you in this form, so please stay with me, just manifest in a different form”. And then I realized I have to stay in his (my boyfriend’s) life. We were not supposed to see each other and I was quite happy for this romantic image after our night together and now I’m gonna stay in his memory and heart as this beautiful image forever. Then I realized, No! I have to sacrifize this romantic, magical image and continue being in his life because I can contribute somehow by being his friend. So this image that I’ve been building all my life to be attractive for a man and upholding the magic, I decided it’s not the most important thing…and it’s actually limiting a lot of treasures we can give to the world. (…) (My child) is honesty and taking responsibility, using what you have and giving this to people even though it hurts, even though you don’t get what you want. That’s what it is here and now for me.

Andreas

Maybe I am rash, but I beleive that my first gut felt thought is the answer to your question.

 

My child would be, or is rather, the momentum i carry inside. It can be described as a journey, as a movement or an action – but I can feel any of these concepts are too narrow.

 

I think the core of my alternative child is an unquenchable curiosity. The unabillity to sit still, to stop expanding the mind or heart.

 

This child consists of strands of history, of stories that together weave new meaning – mening that is both similair to other stories and meanings – but also in it´s own way totally unique.

 

The life blood of the child is time. The strands grow stronger with time. They are filled with extended meaning with time.

The love for  my children is greater thank the love for myself.. Nothing in this world makes me feel so strongly, so greatly for another person. (…) It’s such a great, deep love…that scares me.

I’m scared of dying, because it would tear me apart, leave my children. It’s such a great responsibility to have children, but nature sees to it, that you will do ok.I’m fascinated about nature…that it just happens, the love is there.It includes a lot of strong feelings to have children, just with everything else that you are passionate about; you get angry, heartbroken, so so happy, emotional. And that’s absolutely wonderful. (…)

 

<<<<<<>>>>><<<<<<>>>>><<<<<<<>>>>>><<<<<<>>>>>>><<<<<<>>>>>><<<<<>>>

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, 'The I' of Sisters Academy

Photo: Diana Lindhardt, ‘The I’ of Sisters Academy

*

A year later, in Sisters Academy (taking over the school in Simrishamn, March 2016), I made a sharing ritual of my journey with ‘Finding my child’. As part of that,  I also asked young Swedish people (16-17 years old) the same question as before. That’s what they answered:

 

For me , an alternative child would be acceptance. I’ve been struggling with accepting who I am, why I am, where I am for my whole life. But the moment I realized that all I have to do was to accept that this is my life right now, it all became so much easier. It doesn’t mean that I will always be in the same situations and surroundings, it just means that no matter where I am, I have to accept it to move on.

My alternative child is the stories and dreams in my head. I give them a lot of time and love because I learn from them a lot. Everything that books and tv-shows don’t give me, like diversity for example, I can put in my own story. Drawing, writing, dreaming about my stories and giving it time is also a way to show myself that my choices matter, and if spending time on it makes me fulfilled, it is worth it, even if the story would end.

My dreams are like an inner child to me. They affect my life so much and make me wanna live this life. Sometimes I hate them, but with love. I hate them because I wanna trust them, and that is a away to show that I love them. If I was to lose a dream, it would hurt so much. Because they are my home and they know me just the way I am.

My alternative child would be to be able to keep our family farm in the family. It’s been in our family for 400 years and I want that either me or my brother takes over it when we are older.

(on top of this, I also want a human child)

The child I am pregnant with is the child of deep feeling sensation fire emotion. The embers inside me I have to keep alive. Letting it get the things it needs to become a fire. Nurtue it so it does not only turn to cold ashes. It’s my life-fire. I keep it alive and well and then it will do the same for me. In Swedish you call it “livsglöd”. (…) It gives me the will to create, conjure, live out. In Swedish I call it “känsla för feeling”. When I’ve been without it, I’ve just been a shell, surviving not living. I love my child so much!

For me, it has always been so important with community, love and self-care, self-love. I’m not fond of the mainstream life, I don’t want to go to school for seven more years and become something fancy, where I could make a lot of money. That’s not what’s most important for me, that’s not my way, not my life.

And I think that my alternative child really is a human child. I have been longing for one for so long and I didn’t really know exactly why – but it is such a powerful and strong feeling from my inner depths.

For me it’s about loving yourself so much and trusting yourself to have and take care of another human being. To love another human being, a kid, a partner, a friend, trust, love, respect, growth, community, feeling.

It’s about starting an own independent life, to get to decide really what I want to fro in my life, what’s really important for me – and teach my child what I’ve learned through life. I want to teach my child that there are other ways than the ones picked for you from the beginning, there are freedoms, community, passion, undiscovered roads not worse than the mainstream, that’s not more dangerous or uncertain.

And I want to teach my child not to worry, because everything is gonna turn out exactly the way it’s supposed to, at the right time and place.I want to teach my child to follow the hearts song, to follow the dream and always choose a happy loving life.

My child would be the dark part of myself.

The voice that tells me I’m not good enough, that I should worry about what others think.

That I should hurt myself.

It’s the other side of me.

I want to give birth to this child . Because then it’s no longer inside of me. It’s something else. Then I want to raise this child into loving itself. And also to learn from it. Without that side of myself I wouldn’t be who I am today. To thank it.

I’ve always wanted a “real” baby

My alternative child would be change. It might be me who constantly changes or I mint try to change others hopefully for the better. To change myself and others gives me a pleasant sense of purpose and bliss.

I want a child, but I could also live with cats, but then I’d need something else to make my life meaningful (something bigger than myself).

My dream job where I do something I love and leave a lasting legacy.

I don’t want a child, but at the same time I want. I want to love and take care of someone that is going to be mine forever. I think different kinds of animals.

A sailboat, because they take so much time, but on a sailboat I feel free.

I feel it’s unfair for me to write this, cause my thoughts are so many and my words so few. (…)

My child could be a plastic thing that I have in my uterus that’s protecting me from having a human child. My child could also be my boyfriend who needs help and I’m very willing to give my help. My helping is my best and strongest weakness that I love to give.

Also my dogs, they need me, cause I (my family) didn’t give them the chance to take care of themselves, we have done that. And because we gave them the trust, it’s our duty to keep on doing that because of trust and love.

One more child of mine could be myself, my soul, my body to keep on with the journey to love myself and care for myself as I do with everyone else.

I will give my future child all the love I can. My child will think of other things than norms do. The norms will not exist in my child’s world.

I don’t know if I want kids, but if I change my mind, I hope my child wants to change the world to a better place for everyone. (S)he will be kind to all people and have a beautiful smile that makes changes. I want my child to do all the things I didn’t do as a child, but always have wanted to.

a pet or a passion. My passion is to play football. It’s hard and good times, symbolic to having a real child. It has to be hard work, tough and exhausting. But the thing is I would still want a real child to care about.

Maybe it’s something that I want to try or maybe my development as a human being.

I want to protect myself from myself in a way so I don’t lose myself in something that is not good.

*great family

*cats and dogs

*be the person I want to be

*love

*job

I think I crave for a human child, but now that you are saying it, maybe I just want one cause society says it’s the normal and right way of doing. But at the same time I feel having a child would be such an incredible experience. But maybe my alternative child is to find love that feels for real.

I probably want to have human children in the future. But if I’m gonna have alternative children, it’s probably gonna be my animals. Or maybe being able to help other people when they’re feeling bad. Because I want to be a therapist when I grow up. And putting your life and a lot of love into that. (…)

I want a human child. I would like to give it love and the most out of life and a great relationship to life. But I would like to live my life before I make that change in my life.

I want to learn and understand more of this world to widen my perspective and intellect, to understand both the smallest things and the biggest things and know what they are and what they mean. That is my inner child.

some sort of time consuming hobby

I want a human child. Or two.

Inner child.

I thought that I had no clue, but I think something with movement, change. Development.

Growing, both me myself and everything and everyone around me. Being that force to push things in the “right” direction. Creation, development, change.

I don’t know if I will have any kids.

But if I get a child in the future, I want it to be a positive person who cares about others and herself/himself well.

I want a kid who has the same interests like me. I want to dress her/him nice!

 

My contrasts. I want to nurture my differences and surprise myself. Embrace my everything that contradicts everything. I all never be bored with myself. Because I will evolve and frighten myself at every corner. I want to feel the most nervous and be so strong and know I could do it, being able to push myself. And then, just, not do it.

I have an unwanted child. A child I have to deal with. I hate it sometimes, at most times But I just can’t drop it.

My child is my anxiety.

My sickness is my child. I always have to take care of it, so it behaves in the best ways. I didn’t ask for it. It just came and it’s mine. I am longing for the day it moves out. It’s ok if it visits, but please, don’t live with me.

But who would I be without it. I’m not gonna miss it when it leaves, but I will miss a part of me. I will be a different person. And I don’t know if or when I’m ready.

My anxiety is real and I have to take care of it the rest of its life.

 

 

to be continued…or will you?

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